I'm Indecisive, To Say the Least
I've been in college for nearly four complete years. During those four years, I have flip flopped more than John Kerry on areas of importance to me. I remember when I was in High School, I was in the middle of a conversation with Marilew and Ross. Ross had just bought over $100 in paintball equipment and got bored with it and kept it in his closet now. Marilew said, "Why do guys do stuff like that? You always get bored and stop in the middle of your obsessions!" Ross responded to her "Yeah, for now, but later it will still be in the closet and I can use it to punish my children when their bad." Now, I'm sure he was kidding, but I'll never forget that little conversation, because it connected with me so much. When I was 16, I stood outside the window of the CNN newsroom in Atlanta GA and I KNEW that's what I wanted to do. When I was a sophomore in college I took a Communication Law class and I worked with a guy whose wife is a lawyer. That semester I KNEW when I graduated I was going to law school. I still have the "Preparing for LSAT" book in the trunk of my car. Later that year I had a Spanish class with Estafania Olid-Peña. She was the teacher and she was from Malaga, in the South of Spain. That year I KNEW that I wanted to go to Malaga because I had to find out if all the women were as hot as she was. (I still wanna do that one). Last year I KNEW that I was going to grad school when I graduated, until one of my professors told me that everyone in grad school were pretentious assholes and it was something I should do after I got a couple of years of work under me. I also had a film class and I KNEW I was moving to L.A. after I graduated. And here I am, a senior in college. Three months from graduation. Now I'm in an internship at an art based public relations place. Today I KNOW I want to work in the arts and entertainment industry. I have resolved only one thing to be absolute truth--I don't fucking know what I want to do. I use to be really passionate about working at CNN. Now I don't know. I use to be really passionate about all those things, and now they are distant memories that only reignite once in a while. Everyone keeps asking, "What are your plans after graduation?" and I don't know what to say anymore. I usually tell them one of the many things I wanted to do. "I always wanted to work at CNN," I'll respond. Yet no one ever catches the fact that none of my responses are in the present tense, because presently, I don't know. To say the least.
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